Author Archives: circusjo

Sep 27 2012

The Society of Burgers 2

The Society of Burgers is back!

Ola Burgerbuds,

Welcome back to the second chapter of The Book of Burgerology, as we continue our journey of burger enlightenment and realization.

In the first chapter, The Book of Burgerality, I summated for you a variety of common and rare burger personalities. Have a read…you’ll fit in there somewhere and then tell us what your personality is….we are a nosy bunch!!

Now, SOB is ready to reveal more exciting and perhaps burger altering speculatives on burger fare of which I call, The Book of Beasts Meats.

The Book of Beast Meats is a compilation of what your personality may be depending of the type of meat that lays between your buns.

Your personalized BBM is here…what personality type are you?

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The Naturalist: Veggie

They refuse to eat anything with legs and wear that proudly on a t-shirt they hand screened themselves with environmentally conscious materials. They’ve done their homework; studying and testing many types of veggie burgers only to find out that the best kind of veggie burger are the ones with real meat. Don’t worry, it’s not to late; everyone eventually finds their way back to meat….it’s inevitable!” The naturalist can also be referred to as the learner. They can often be found snacking on oatmeal and grains and may have OCD.

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The Borgs: Beef

Most of us are willing participants in this collective and this collective serves only one master…Hail King Cow! This ‘hive mind’ of subjugated recipients are controlled by a force larger than themselves and it usually consists of a whole lot of cheese & bacon.  If you pay close attention you may catch ‘borgs’ in their collective splendor. Just head out to any Micky D’s around lunchtime and you’ll see for yourself but DO NOT attempt to approach a Borg if you do see one out & about; they confuse easily and have been know to revolt. Only approach a Borg if you want to be assimilated.

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The Urbanite: Chicken

These self-proclaimed urban hipsters would choose fowl over bovine any day. They won’t commit to the extreme means of the Naturalist because it consists of way too much work but they like to be perceived as the group that ‘gets it and gives a shit’. They are somewhat consciously aware, always seem to be just heading out to a meeting, they watch John Stewart and sleep with one hand on their Ipad. They love spending money on unnecessary things and like to conversate about themselves, their art project, their loft or their scooter.

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The Suit: Lamb or Bison

These people have jobs and usually pretty good ones, so they like to show off their culinary prowless by not playing the game the rest of the kids are playing. The Suits like to be above the heads of cows, so to speak, and delight in big game hunting, cigars, traveling and fashion, even if it’s just for show. They eat big as well, slapping down some fresh lamb and bison burgers on the grill or casing out favorite high stakes eateries that serve the ‘not so common.’ Don’t hate them for their celebrity lifestyles. Get a job, buy a BBQ and head to Sanagans Meats in Kensington Market and hook yourself up with some fine beast meats. Now, go impress your 3 friends.

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The Radical: Fish

This group is the most unassuming of all. Always swimming up stream from the crowd, they strive on social anarchy…or at least talk about it a lot. They wear predominately black and always carry (not subjected to actually reading it) a hardcover biography of either Hunter S Thompson or Edgar Allen Poe in their vintage leather mailbag. They can often be found huddling in a small tight group discussing the civil rights of fish and the Amish. They may also be minimalists in their lifestyle and have been spotted shopping at IKEA.

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The Outsider: Turkey

Turkey burger luvers just want fit in and will put their necks on the chopping block for just about anyone who asks. Lacking a certain amount of self esteem, one could call them pushovers; easily influenced and usually not in a good way. They spend their time at shopping malls because no has told them that it’s not cool anymore and sleep with a night light on…just because. They are not an impressive bunch but they are consistent and if you ever need someone to do something for you…just ask one of these guys.

Now go and get messy with your favorite burger!

circusjo

Apr 23 2012

Circusjo’s Society of Burgers

Hello Burgertonics!

I’ve taken it upon myself to devise the first ever Society of Burgers, conspicuously known as (SOB). A place of higher consciousness in terms of finding the true meaning of life thru burgers. As you know, I’ve been on a long and weary journey but it has taught me great things. From my notes from near and far, I now take you on another kind of journey, a journey of enlightenment and realization thru….The Book of Burgerology!

I have categorized, what i believe to be the 6 most common personality traits, based on the way we dress and luv our burgers.

How do you dress your burger? Are you one of these personalities?
Where do you fit in?

Read on and let us know where you squat. Or, do you think you have a personality type that isn’t on our curriculum yet, then let us know, if it’s a fit we’ll add it.

Join The Society! A Call to Arms….

The SOB needs your interaction! We want to know which personality type reigns supreme.  So, rally up the troops and get recruited! Leave us your email addy and we will send you an official SOB e-badge. This elite club is privy to meet -ups, eat-outs, burger challenges and gatherings hosted by the broads…..lucky you!! Summers just ahead and that means BBQ’s, Burgers, and Patios…get on board with the broads…you know you want to!

More from the Society….The Book of Beast Meats

The next interactive chapter of SOB…What’s your beast meat? I’ll take a look at the various types of beast meats such as beef, turkey, lamb burgers etc and the personality types who luv them!

Now lets see where you fit in!…….

The Book of Burgerality

The Nudist: The bare bones of burger personalities. Adds nothing, wants nothing.  They take naturalistic pleasures to the extreme; uninhibited to the exposed flavours of their manifesto meat sandwich. Usually found to be  intelligent and discerning but heavily lack imagination and creativity.

The Nerd: likes to play it safe by adding only one or two toppings to their beast-meat. They would luv to break out and explore more toppings but are painfully shy and may need much encouragement from others outside of their own group. Unfortunately, most in this group lack the balls needed to move past this stage. The Nerd’s best bet is to hook up with a Partier…trust me!

The Worker: This personality type plays it safe by only playing within the classic and basic toppings such as ketchup, mustard, lettuce etc. They are people of consistency and order. Their only adventurous play comes with mixing and matching the order of toppings, but it always ends up tasting the same. They relish in a life of uniformity and predictability and wouldn’t change it for nothing…..unless otherwise told to do so.

The Showoff: These attention craving hamburglars luv it hottt!..or think they do. With clenched cheeks and watery eyes they take no prisoners…because they can’t breath or see…and are most likely to disappear soon after a meal to a quieter and more comfortable private space so they can reflect on what they just did to themselves, then promise themselves that they won’t do that again, but they are helpless against their own egos. They are wannabe dare-devils who, if not careful, could easily crash & burn.

The Partier: they luv to take chances and will try anything at least once! They have no fear and luv to ketchup with what’s trending and new. They like to think of themselves as ‘out of the box thinkers’ and are very socially motivated. This personality type is somewhat outspoken and impulsive and sometimes could be confused with the Showoff. The Partier is carefree and loose minded, experiencing a lot in short bursts…. but forgetting most of it by morning.

The Extremist: the ‘no holds bar’ personality type. They are not only willing to try anything and everything, all the time, day or night, rain or shine…all you have to do is dare them… but they show no shame in combining items that would make the Nudists recoil in horror and make the Partiers look like amateurs. They live always on the toasted, crumbly edge of life and luv to grind it out with other like minded individuals, trying to always ‘up’ their game.

So there you have it! Don’t forget to leave your type with us and if you would like to be a member of the SOB Society, then you know what to do!

Circusjo..

Apr 21 2012

homemade burgalactics

greetings burglizza’s

i relish sharing my burger stories from afar with you but i’ve taken a little sabbatical from my treacherous journey across land and sea to spend a little well deserved recreational time with my life here at home.

this isn’t the most interesting story by far, but where there are burgers, i shall be…especially if those burgers are on our bbq, 5 feet away from our kitchen and even closer still to the beer that chills patiently in our fridge.

i’m a huge fan of eating and better still, eating at home when you know it’s prepared with luv and goodness. so,  my better half & i…dave, we’ll call him; decided to bbq up some burgs. we wasted no time getting down to bizniz.

we fired up the ‘beast maker’ and anxiously awaited that predictable, instant drool bbq smell that you know makes the entire neighborhood take notice.  we technically refer to this as ‘bbq envy’.  it’s the smell that summons you, much like a programmed robot, to go get yourself a little yummy something to slap on your own beast maker. it’s the snowball effect at it’s best.

homemade goodness!

what i find interesting about burgs is the overwhelming variety of dressings, toppings and styles that differentiates one burg from another.

for instance, when it comes to dressing a burg, ‘the one i call’ dave and i take opposites approaches.  he plays it pretty safe adding items one would expect to see on any given burger…..ketchup, mustard, onions, tomatoe, pickles, mayo and cheese.  he’ll play with any combination of the above but seldomly  strays. the’s what i luvingly call the ‘nerd burgular’, it’s like playing only in enclosed areas for safety coupled with the fear of venturing out past their comfort zone.

but alas, the good news is if you are one of these nerd burgulars, there is plenty of room for improvement and adventuring into new flavours.  soooo, the one i call dave took a tiny step out of his box and added a little avocado to one of his burgs….there’s hope yet!

me, on the other hand, wear my knickers a little looser.  i experiment more with toppings, dressings and even meat types.  it’s really just about whatever i think may taste good or at the very least, won’t make me gag….my reflexes are somewhat snobby.

one should always take into consideration the combinations and hazards of tastes blending…sometimes it’s a hit and others, well…we won’t go there.  taking what i just said into it’s own consideration,  i can attest to somewhat playing it safe with my burger toppings, but to my defense, it was what i had in the fridge that evening……you work with what you have and this worked out extremely well!…no gags!  the blue cheese was worrisome at first thought but it turned out to be a huge success!

we ate and enjoyed our friday night food frolic with a wash of ice cold brew…you can’t go wrong!

P.S….coming soon…what does your burger preferences say about you! I may have the answer for you. BURGSTROLOGY coming soon to a blog near you…well, in this blog, right here but at a later date, very near in the future, not too far away.  You will be shocked and amazed!

circusjo

acircusofburgers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feb 21 2012

good eats in riverdale!

hey hamburglers,

i’ve taken a short but deserved break from my travels, to spend a few days at home over revisiting seemingly ordinary burger joints in search of something recognizable in taste and sight.

we soon came upon a favourite neighborhood drop in called new york cafe, a family owned restaurant that’s been at the same location for many moons.  it’s a beautiful day so the other humans are out and about glorifying themselves under what little sunshine they could absorb, like hungry little monsters.

it's the gravy that makes it sooo good!!!

 

speaking of hungry…..my hubs and i sat down and ordered ourselves a burger from the pleasant server and soon she came back with our meal.

i had the open-faced hot hamburger smothered in delicious gravy and mashed potatoes. Dave had the classic burger with fries. my hot hammy is a fave of mine and i’v enjoyed it more times than i should share here……it’s in the gravy!

so we ate, we enjoyed getting messy and then we rubbed our bellys!!!

if you are in the broadview & danforth area, check out new york cafe. enjoy the  great variety on their menu where mostly everything is yummy and the prices, very reasonable.

it’s the gravy!

Feb 15 2012

the juicy lucy

bonjourno hamburglers,

i’m back with a doozy of a burger! this one, found in the illusive h-files from an undisclosed location only for those privy to.

because of my disclosure agreement, the only thing i can rightfully convey  is that the juicy lucy is believed to have been invented in Minneapolis. the claim is made by two restaurants that are located right across the street from each other. no one is certain of who first named the burger….well, except the respective owners and in trying to prove distinct ownership one restaurant spells it ‘jucy’ and the other spells it ‘juicy’.  this didn’t help to prove or dispel any notions of ownership. this became a classic case of the chicken and the egg so, to this day the controversy still scorches on.

mystery cheese substance

ok, so what is the juicy lucy and is it a part of some lament conspiracy quieted for years? what is its ultimate purpose? is it meant for good or evil? you be the judge.

juicy is a cheeseburger with lots of cheese crammed in the center of the hamburger instead of on top.  sounds ok…i guess, what’s the big deal?

as i dig a little deeper i begin to feel unsettled and anxious….unusal right? my research has revealed to me something shocking and amazing.  these fromage filled patties were fashioned as training implements for weapons testing by the military (that’s all i can say about that aspect) but…unseen to the untrained, naked eye awaited a surprise that could, if nothing else, leave you with a face full of scorching hot greasy cheese.  i joke not, hamburglers!

the unassuming person would hunker in for that first big bite…..and….HOLY HOT HAMBURGERS BATMAN!….the first bite creates an explosion of catastrophic proportions which is caused by a build up of atomic and pro-tonic energy inside the burger. sounds scary yes, so image if that was your lovely and delicate face behind this potentially disastrous h-bomb.
now, mystery surrounds the juicy. the more we know, the more questions we have. cloaked in a shroud of secrecy, the juicy will always be a mystery.

was the experiment successful? was it’s purpose to somehow expose those who may be a threat?

is it a form of communication only decoded by those in the know? why cheddar, is it found to really scorch the skin better than swiss or mozzarella?

the exploding burgerthese and many more questions may never be answered in our time but this is why it’s important to continue to document these strange occurrences for future researchers. one day we will know the truth! stay vigilant!

Jan 31 2012

i invented that…so back off!

guten tag meine hamburglers!

to continue the epic journey across the u.s. in search of the the truth about burgers. last we spoke we learned the origin of the burger, as we know it.

now, lets check out some of the stories about widespread claimability of the sandwich origin of this man-obsessed beast  meat. 

yes, many have staked claim as the first…the inventor…but no one knows for sure. The true origin of the burger, as a sandwich, eludes us. history is spread mustardly thin in this area, which only leads me to ponder…what are they hiding, why the cloaks and confusion? what the….?

first is a man they called charlie ‘hamburger’ nagreen.  sure…it’s possible…hamburger is his middle name after all.  As a young man in wisconsin,  in 1885,  charlie worked at the seymour fair as a successful vendor of meatballs. can you see the forest for the trees yet?  little charlie figured out a genius way for his messy and frustrated costumers to easily ‘walk and eat’ with his meatballs. until that eureka moment, conditions at the meatball counter must have been awkward…..

” two balls please…yes, just in the palm of my hands is fine…. no plates, forks or nappies?….. that’s just peachy, i’ll just lick and nip at these hot balls…thanks!”

so charlie took one of his meatballs and swished, smashed, and flattened it between two slices of bread….smart! now the good people of seymour need no longer burn their delicate hands. he then saw fit to name it ‘hamburger’. is everybody happy? Yahhh!! but is it true…could it have really happened that way?

the next unlikely candidate are siblings most knew as frank and robert  menches; also working as, suspiciously, fair vendors in hamburg, new york. one day at the fair the brothers ran out of their best seller, pulled pork sandwiches but with hungry, gaping and drooling mouths and many snake eyes glaring at them, they had to conspire up something, quick, fast and in a hurry! the crowd roars!.

with this unruly and pork deprived crowd, the conditions for invention were  perfect if not a neccessity.

the brothers booked it to the nearest butcher and purchased some beef of which they poked and prodded to liking and served them up between two slices of bread.  this story comes seven years later than the first. descendants of the menches family are still in the burger biz..go figure!

next on the hit list of unusual suspects is louie lassen of new haven,  connecticut. louie operated a lunch wagon that served many factory men at the time and this is, reportedly where he claims the hamburger sandwich was born. the legend reveals that a man of business was in a rush and requested  something from louie’s wagon to go. what flash unknowingly got was the first hamburger sandwich and louie became the man with the hamburger wagon.

sure any one of these claimants could very well be the grand-daddy of the hamburger sandwich but one question remains.  how did they all come up with ‘hamburger’ as a fitting name? all of them..weird? or something else? my search continues!

Jan 25 2012

the incredible hamdog

"only if you dare"

guten tag hamburglers,

as my journey unfolds, my ethereal wandering spirit has spoken loudly and have taken me to places far beyond the reach of our meek, humanoid existence….or at least it feels that way!

my journey into a relatively untapped part of history has already shed iridescent light upon the moment of birth of the hamburger and like all living things, the hamburger, as it grew and evolved, changed in form, function and flavour.

the hamburger became a capital market for the united states of america.  a gross development of this substance was usually fit for simpletons, more over; ground beef became a staple for most, if not all, blue collar and no collar families of the early 20th century.

our older more boastful brother, the u.s. would come to represent and present the hamburger in such distorted concoctions that many earthly worldians  soon started to question whether these oddities were truly the wonderments of natures imaginative culinary skills or the deceptive master plannings of world domination by an unknown entity.

And if this is the case, who’s to say that this specimen, unearthed deep in the recesses of Decatur, Georgia in 2005 was not the warnings of things to come.

so what exactly is the Hamdog Hamburger?

http://art-ranger.deviantart.com/

walk with me for a bit…..for me, Hamdog conjures up a an amusingly disturbing imagery.  could it have been a verocious pig/dog hybrid aimed at destroying mankind through misguided notions of self indulgence?

it’s not……this isn’t raccoon city….yet!

the hamdog, is seemingly, nothing more than a figment of an invention of an idea of a bad dream that should have remained in the shadows within the normal thought process…not the conclusion. but is that all there is to it?

now, let’s rustle up some hamdogs….

the hamdog hamburger was invented by a crazy dude they call chandler golf in the tender year of 2005.  as you may have guessed, this creation was painfully birthed in the u.s., as many of my findings will illustrate. it’s a popular novelty act it seems.

if you wanted to build yourself a proper hamdog ( i would advice having the emergency hotline readily available first)

this is what it would entail: a hotdog wrapped in a beef patty tomb, deep-fried, then drowned in chili, french fries, and topped with a sunny side up.

hmmm, i have to wonder what is really going here and it leaves the door open to review very logical and rational questions such as-

why? who are you working for? what the #%!* were you thinking? what is its dark purpose?

you may have a few questions yourself.  for the answer is still out there… somewhere in the unknown…..

as i continue my search for the truth, i hope that you will also ask yourself the same frightening and unthinkable question…..

is there a dark secret that may jeopardize the very existence of human-kind still yet to be uncovered? or is it just a crazy man’s creation of crazy comfort food?

to be noted: dr. nicholas lang, professor of surgery at the University of Arkansas for medical sciences, advised against ever consuming a hamdog at any point in one’s lifetime.

advise noted!

Jan 19 2012

eddie murphy’s hamburger story

bonjour hamburglers,

today circus of burgers has a treat for you!  no, you can’t eat it, but you will enjoy the sideshow aspect of it. man of the 80′s 90′s, comedian extraordinaire, eddie murphy and his tres tight, cow skin wears was at the time, literally, king of comedy.  i’ve howled to ‘delirious’ and ripped a gut watching ‘raw’ and even now as the years have affected the way we view things….well ed, (i can call him that), has the same comedic prowess he commanded in the late 80′s.

so, step right up…and have a laugh!

by the way…it may be a black thing but I swear it’s pretty much the same way my mama made burgers when I was wee.

Jan 16 2012

The Luther Burger….why?

ola, dear hamburglers,

during my truth seeking journey, i will undoubtedly encounter fascinating and odd actualities along the way that may help me understand the unending and unshakable hold, this thing we happily named the hamburger, has over us.

i have unearthed, what is called the ‘luther burger’, an unnerving oddity, that upon site, has be known to make  ordinary men & women abandon all intelligence and the most basic of  morals.  is it the work of uncontrollable influence? is it something outside of our comprehension? some have speculated that the luther burger may possess the soul of ….wait for it….the devil.

but what in heavens name is the luther burger?

the luther is a burger fashioned with sticky, sweet glazed donuts as buns. yes, i said that right….dooooonuttttssss! 

usually made with krispy creme donuts…mmmmm!

 

 

it just might be the devils work….

so who invented this abomination?

speculated-alien among us...not confirmed information

"hail satan, you're burger-donut is working. soon they will be ours!"

 

 

 

 

well, the legend tells us that this dessert-dinner combo was invented by or for the late great soul singer, luther vandross. he was a superstar in the eighties and sold over 30 million albums worldwide.

the question is..why?

 

 

we may never uncover the truth about this oddity. whether it was created for him or by him….why donuts? what does the burger-donut signify? could the burger-donut be responsible for man’s downturn? are there aliens among us?..and what of the power donuts have over most law enforcement….hmmm food for thought, literally.

what i do know is that this phenomenon has spread  rapidly throughout america and could be making its way to canada…so please go and eat safe eh!

it may already be among us

Jan 15 2012

And so, it too was created!

welcome to the circus of burgers, hamburglers!

my search for the truth about the unusual fascination with what, essentially is just  ground beef/pork patties, begins by taking me on a journey into ancient worlds of nomads, hunters & conquerors. I want to know some of the history concerning the beloved burger.

for so it told…. that deep into the 11th century nomadic mongol warriors who were known for venturing out on lengthy excursions across vast lands and performing with excellent execution, i may add, the occasional pillage; often  carried flattened meat patties as their source of main food substance.  The patties were flattened for the purpose of convenient carrying.

"the flat meat barrage"


when the mongol warriors took a hold of mother russia, they also brought with them yummy flattened meat product. what do you know, it caught on and soon russia was in the grips of what would eventually grip the entire world, like a delicious, delicious virus ….THE HAMBURGER!

soon the new flat meat craze would reach russia’s surly sailors who would drop in to visit the kind and gentle people of germany from time to time… hamburg specifically. the people of hamburg luv’d it so much that they eventually felt suited to finally give flat meat a more desirable name…..so they named it after themselves and began a passion worldwide that is even stronger now than then!

so that is the historical account of the origin of the burger patty..first step in my quest…now i want to know when, who and where was the birth of the hamburger sandwich. there is much controversy surrounding this topic but i will try to unravel fact from fiction in my next episode.