****WARNING****

The following excerpts are real life situations, involving real life hamburgers. Each hamburger that stands before a court of Dean is guilty until consumed completely, in my belly. The subject of these diary entries has agreed to let the public access these excerpts via Internet.

February 3^rd, 2012

Tonight is exciting because it’s Friday! “Why Nicole?! You got some PLANS TO PAINT THE TOWN RED?” “Why, Nicole?! You gonna GO BLACK LITE BOWLING OR SOMETHING??”

HEAVENS NO, CHILDREN, THAT’S TOO MUCH EXCITEMENT MAMA!

Tonight, I’m going to successfully order a hamburger online and have it delivered to my front door without ever having to loosen my jogging pants OR pause my episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer for more than 4 mins!

Since I’ve moved to Toronto, I’ve realized how different the pace of business is compared to that on the east coast. I find it surprising that so many different types of restaurants, fancy and non-fancy will deliver their goods straight to your front door! I mean, where I’m from the only delivery you can get is pizza or Chinese so naturally, I’ve been totally abusing all of the options from the comfort of my living room.

JUST EAT is a handy dandy little site that connects you to hundreds of locations around the city that deliver. They even filter the options by the category of food in which you’ve really got a hankering for. It brings up the menu of the restaurant you’ve selected, then guides you through a series of steps to complete your order, gives you a time in which it will be delivered  and allows you to write directions for modification to any of the menu items as well as driving directions or building entry, etc.

Through this site, I have discovered a hidden gem in the Annex whose food not only seems to survive the delivery trip itself but in terms of expectation & quality, is overall consistent. ”BBQues” is on the North West corner of Harbord and Spadina, right by those discotheque Pizza Parlours. I’ve never been inside of BBQues but I assume there are a couple of spots for you to enjoy your dirty treats at the front. Then again, it’s in close proximity to a number of schools so perhaps they don’t have seats and I don’t blame them. When those kids get let out on their lunch breaks it’s like you’ve been plunged in the middle of a pre-pubescent daily Flea Market, all of them bartering and calling out items to storekeepers, none of them having enough money to buy every item they’ve collected in their grubby little paws…hooligans…which is EXACTLY why I stick to delivery.

The first time we stumbled upon their menu, I was weary of what a delivered Burg would look like once it got to my house. Would the Styrofoam make the bun all soggy? Would numerous condiments and ingredients make it too soggy?? Would the fries be soggy when they arrived too??? Overall, I had soggy on the brain.

Unfortunately, we were in no condition to be pickin’ n’ choosin’ what we were going to eat that night. We were having one of those nights where you work all day, come home so hungry you could eat 12 hamburgers but instead of eating something, you just keep talking about all of the different things you could be eating.

“We could have Burritos.”

“Nah, I’m still off guacamole.”

“What about Spring Rolls?”

“No, there was seafood in it last time and it turned me off.”

“I don’t know…I just don’t know…”

“I just wish there was a place that delivered hamburgers. Is that so much to ask? That’s what I really want right now….HOLY CRAP! This place delivers hamburgers!”

I was so excited I could feel my hunger melting away immediately.  We stuck to the basics, not wanting to confuse the internet in any way, so that our delicious greasy burgs would come straight to our bellies, no questions asked.

LESSON #1: IF YOU’RE STARVING TO DEATH, DON’T ORDER SOMETHING ON A FRIDAY NIGHT AT 9PM.

This was a learning lesson, as our order took just over an hour and ten minutes to be delivered but let me tell you, it was worth it. When the delivery man knocked on our door, I leapt to my slippers and prepared to throw the money at him and punch him in the face to take all of my bags at once (I have been known to get violent when I’m hungry).  We set up shop at the coffee table and began to claw open our goodies.

The burger looked magnificent. It was a great size and still plenty hot. I crammed a fry in my mouth and it was also plenty hot and, what’s this? Crispy??  I glanced at my hamburger eating partner and we dived in. The patty was juicy, flavorful and chocked with fresh ingredients that in NO way, spilled over the edge when you took a bite and leave what I like to refer to as a “Hamburger Relish Dump”.  The bun was a standard toasted white sesame bun, pretty fresh and the appropriate size for a monster patty like that. They use real cheddar slices too, and the bacon wasn’t all rubbery or chewy.

Now I’m a pretty standard Broad and I like a good side of fries with my Burg. I’m not half as obsessed with fries as I am with Burgs but I admit…I’m pretty judgemental when it comes to fries. Maybe it’s my potato farmer roots or maybe it’s that I’ve lived within close proximity to the McCain’s French fry factory all of my life ,  in New Brunswick, but either way, I thoroughly enjoyed the fries. You have the option to get wedges or spicy fries and we opted for one order of each. The spicy fries aren’t really spicy at all, they come with that standard seasoning that seems to be the only option for Curly Fries at chain restaurants, sort of like what “All Dressed” would be if it were a potato seasoning, but I liked it.

We were more than satisfied with our purchase for the amount of money we spent and vowed that it would be our new “Thing.” “HEY! Maybe this can be our new THING!” (That’s what I said) We indeed did make it our new thing. I think we’ve ordered it at least 12-17 times within the last 5 months. It is a longer wait on the weekends during peak evening times, but that’s to be expected with most places in the city offering delivery anyhow. We’ve ordered it plenty of other times and it was consistently between 30-45 mins, & ONE DAY it was even as fast as 25 mins.

!!!WHOA, THAT’S LIKE, FASTER THAN A UNICORN BICYCLE MESSENGER!!!

So in conclusion, if you’re looking for a tasty Burg that delivers, you should check out BBQues at least once. I’m not going to say that it’s the BEST burg in town, that would be a bold statement, but for what it is, its whole package was enough to entice a couple of Burger gals like us to keep on ordering delivery in our jogging pants. What are some of your tried, tested and true favorites in your area?

Go on, make a little list. I love lists.